I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
