We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
