no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
