How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
