You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
