I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
