Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
