I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
that's an acceptable place to lick
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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