So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I can't put those talents on a resume
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
