i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
