i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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