i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
