Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
