do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
