You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
