using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize