I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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