Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
