Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
