It's Friday. Sex?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
