Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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