john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You need Xanax blowdarts
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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