I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
