At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
