I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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