Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
