I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
