Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
