When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
