whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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