I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
