i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
