I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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