That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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