Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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