i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
