There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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