I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
