I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize