thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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