I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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