Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
