We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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