i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
