Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
