drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
