You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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