I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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