If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
