it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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