remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
