I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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