were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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