So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
