oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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