I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
