I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
