Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
