I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
