Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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