So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
