I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
