I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
PANTIES FOUND
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