The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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