love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
