I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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