Your dad touched me again.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
